Breathing ...

November 9, 2021 Panera, Colony Place in Plymouth, MA

Taking a pause. Catching my breath. Collecting my thoughts.

It is Tuesday and I have three full days of creating and preparing left for the Natural Living Expo in Marlboro. I am overwhelmed. Still needing to get business cards made and my display worked out. The tables are narrow and I will need height so I went to Home Depot yesterday and bought some boards and yes, new crates, since I gave all my old ones away. Planning to paint all of them blue at Jenn’s in Carver. (I have been staying in the driveway of her new home most nights.) And then there is lots more jewelry to yet create.

Amidst the show deadline, things have been a little challenging in the van. Two batteries are not cutting it for the heater and fridge to work properly on solar power. On the first night that I used the heater, it crashed the inverter at 3am and I woke to BEEP, BEEP, BEEP …. So I jumped out of bed and hit the off switch. Second night the alarm went off at 2am and last night it went off at 8:30pm!! With just the fridge running!!! After talking to the electrician, Jarred, this morning, we deduced that I need to make sure I am in full sun every day, or as much as I can, and we need to set up the van battery to house battery connection so I can charge as I drive, AND I need to buy one more battery. They cost $950 each … ok, after the show!!

Other challenges have been automotive. My emergency brake keeps sticking (had to be towed last time), and my headlights keep blowing out (waiting for recall on that issue) … like six times in a year. And, after I brought Selly in to a Chrysler/Ram dealership for a couple of recalls 2 weeks ago, the check engine light has been on since (for a coolant problem which was one of the recalls). So, I have been in and out of Harbro Auto for the lights, e-brake and engine light and they have been amazingly generous and kind. NOT looking forward to going back to the dealership. Kind of a thing for me … much rather work with the trustworthy mechanics at Harbro.

AND I need an inspection sticker by the end of the month.

AND the light they reset yesterday went back on this morning!

B R E A T H E …

On a good note, I am pretty amazed that even at 32 - 38 degrees, sleeping in the van is not that bad. I just think of the people that climb mountains like Mt Everest and sleep in far worse conditions for the adventure of it all. What I am doing is miniscule compared to them!! I have super warm fleece and down blankets and a wonderful knit hat that Rach made me. It is not that bad.

I know that the real issue for me is the worry about what the challenges mean. That is the fear that creeps into my heart and then works its way into my brain to overwhelm me. Thoughts like “Is this a sign that I am on the wrong path?” “Am I crazy for doing this with the budget I am on?” “Is this just too much for me?” “What will I do if something more serious happens on the road?” The answers come of course … “realizing this dream is bigger than any of this resistance, there is always someone to help no matter where I am, I’ve got this, and if not, I can just sell the van and get another sweet little apartment! It’s all good.”

As the latte uplifts and soothes my body I remember, yet again, the resistance I have encountered prior to embarking on past journeys. A clear memory of sitting at a café table years ago feeling these same feelings, leaving with $200 to my name and no credit cards, and having it all work out beautifully.

Perhaps it is life making sure I really, really, really want to do this. And I do. Because there are more moments of bliss than stress. Because I know that this is the way for me. When I finish typing, I am headed to park under the bright sunshine in Brant Rock, right next to the sea to create some awesome things for this weekend. Parking there fills me with such inspiration, joy and beauty, this little adventure of mine feels very, very right. And having you all here with me makes it so much better!

Thank you for joining me! In Light and Love,

Nicki

Selenite Wanderer